By C.J. Sullivan
You got screwed. You laid down a grand for your car's new
transmission, and it broke down a few months later. Joe the
Mechanic looks at you with his oily arms folded and says, "We
don't give refunds here."
What do you do?
You're a man of peace and abhor physical violence (besides, Joe
could kick your ass). You think about hiring a lawyer, but it
doesn't seem worth it for such a small amount. It's time to
represent yourself and sue Joe in Small Claims Court.
Most
municipalities have a Small Claims Court. These are tribunals that
handle claims of—usually—less than $3,000. They're
user-friendly, and you don't need to hire a lawyer. Still, you
need to know the moves.
Use
the phone
Dial 411 and find the Small Claims Court nearest you. Ask
about the hours and the filing fees. Byzantine bureaucracies run
most courts, so they sometimes charge odd amounts. It's
cheap—between $5 to $20—but sometimes it will cost $8.63. They
don't make change, either, so bring the exact amount in cash.
File
the claim
Go down to court and fill out the claim forms. Keep it all
simple. This isn't some high-powered legal battle. Have all the
names, addresses, and the dollar amount you're claiming. Write
legibly and keep it short. You'll pay your fee and be given a date
to appear. Most cities don't require you to serve a summons on the
party you're suing. The court will mail the claim to them. Now all
you have to do is wait.
Your day in court
Most Small Claims Courts open at 6 p.m., so that working folks
can get there on time. Bring as much proof as you can muster up.
Canceled checks, written agreements, notarized statements from
witnesses and bills are all helpful.
Dress neatly, sit
quietly, and avoid the guy or gal you're suing. The wait usually
won't be too long, as government folks hate working at night. In a
short while, your name will be called and you'll be sent to a
room.
The
conference
Before you appear before a judge, most cities will bring both
parties into a conference room overseen by an arbitrator. The
arbitrator is usually a retired lawyer, or maybe an active one
looking to make some part-time money. Stay calm in the room. Stick
to the simple truth.
These attorneys
have heard it all before. They appreciate brevity and politeness.
You'll tell your side. The person you're suing will tell his side.
The arbitrator will ask for any proof. They will then look at all
the documents and mull over each version of who owes what to whom.
Stay
fair
The arbitrator's job is to keep you out of court. Joe the
Mechanic tells the arbitrator he'll give you back $500. Since you
got a few months use out of the transmission he put in, you might
want to think about taking his offer. Don't be stubborn.
Don't go to court
looking for justice. Small Claims Courts are set up to resolve
disputes. They're not there to dispense justice. Here's the Small
Claims Court motto: "When everyone goes away a little
unhappy, we did our job." Should you turn down the $500, here
comes the big throw down.
The
trial
If an arbitrator can't hammer out a settlement, you'll usually
be given an adjournment for a trial date before a judge. On the
hearing date, the judge will learn that $500 was offered to you.
The judge may think that's a fair offer, and that's all you might
get. So you've waited a month or more for nothing.
And even if the
judge grants your claim for $1,000, Joe the Mechanic doesn't have
to pay you on the spot. If he wants to be a hump, he still won't
pay you. The next step is hiring a sheriff or a marshal to go
after Joe. They can get the grand for you, but they can charge
anywhere from 10% to 25% of the total amount owed.
And sometimes Joe
the Mechanic packs up, leaves town and disappears. Then you'll
kick yourself for not taking that $500. That's tough, but that's
part of the risk. Small Claims Courts are for small potato
lawsuits, but from such tiny vegetables comes a meal. And a man
has to eat.
We live in a
litigious society, and there's good reason to think that you might
someday need an attorney. They're great at writing letters to the
assorted bad guys in your life, and only a fool represents himself
in a civil or criminal action.
Either way, you
don't want to be looking for a lawyer when your back is against
the wall. Get yourself an attorney before you actually need one.
Never
hire an attorney in a courthouse
If you ever get busted for a DWI or anything else, don't be
surprised if a smiling stranger hands you his card and promises
you that he'll represent you at your arraignment. You don't have
to be nice to this guy. Shun him like the scum he is.
In courthouses,
these weasels are known as "fishermen." They try to hook
the fish before they reach the bench. Instead, take a proper legal
aid lawyer at the criminal arraignment. Then ask for an
adjournment so you may hire an attorney. You'll get that
adjournment, too. It's your constitutional right.
Do not call 1-800-Lawyers
This is not to say that some decent lawyers don't advertise.
But a huge pool of lawyers pays for these 800 numbers. A service
calls whichever attorney happens to be next on the list. You might
get a good one or a bad one. It's not a smart way to find a
lawyer. Also, avoid lawyers who advertise with gaudy ads on TV and
in print. Remember, their clients paid for those ads.
Use extreme caution in
hiring friends or relatives
Sure, everything worked out fine for that guy who hired his
cousin Vinny. Folks in real life should use relatives on a limited
basis. They're fine for writing letters or notarizing documents.
But use an outside expert when it comes to serious lawsuits and
crimes. If your relative or buddy lets you down, you'll have more
than legal problems. You'll also have one less friend when the
smoke clears.
Hiring the right lawyer
Many lawyers will tell you they are general practitioners who
can handle any problem you have. These are not good lawyers. A
good, solid civil lawyer handles that alone. The same holds for
criminal court lawyers. Go with experience. Do some research on
the guy. Ask to speak to former clients. And contact the local bar
association. Lawyers' reputations are open books, and it isn't
hard to find out the story behind your potential representative.
Watch whom you ask for
advice
Just because your friend won a million-dollar suit doesn't
mean he had a good lawyer—but it's a start. The best place to
get advice on a lawyer is from courthouse employees. They watch
the sharks work all day. Now, technically, they're not supposed to
refer anyone to an attorney. But if you present a friendly
demeanor and know how to read between the lines, you can usually
wrangle the courthouse skinny on any lawyer.
You get what you pay for
Most civil attorneys who take you on as a plaintiff won't
charge you for their services. If you win an award, they will
usually get 33% of that. In addition, they may charge expenses. A
good lawyer will be up front about that. If a lawyer tells you not
to worry about expenses, then start worrying.
A
good criminal lawyer won't be cheap. He'll charge around $200 to
$300 an hour—with heavy hitters getting up to $500 an hour. They
may be worth it. Be up front about what you can afford, and a good
lawyer will work with you. But be ready to pay. Bankruptcy, after
all, is still better than any prison in America.
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