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 Win in Small Claims Court

What do you do? You're a man of peace and abhor physical violence (besides, Joe could kick your ass). You think about hiring a lawyer, but it doesn't seem worth it for such a small amount. It's time to represent yourself and sue Joe in Small Claims Court.

Most municipalities have a Small Claims Court. These are tribunals that handle claims of—usually—less than $3,000. They're user-friendly, and you don't need to hire a lawyer. Still, you need to know the moves.

Use the phone
Dial 411 and find the Small Claims Court nearest you. Ask about the hours and the filing fees. Byzantine bureaucracies run most courts, so they sometimes charge odd amounts. It's cheap—between $5 to $20—but sometimes it will cost $8.63. They don't make change, either, so bring the exact amount in cash.

File the claim
Go down to court and fill out the claim forms. Keep it all simple. This isn't some high-powered legal battle. Have all the names, addresses, and the dollar amount you're claiming. Write legibly and keep it short. You'll pay your fee and be given a date to appear. Most cities don't require you to serve a summons on the party you're suing. The court will mail the claim to them. Now all you have to do is wait.

Your day in court
Most Small Claims Courts open at 6 p.m., so that working folks can get there on time. Bring as much proof as you can muster up. Canceled checks, written agreements, notarized statements from witnesses and bills are all helpful.

Dress neatly, sit quietly, and avoid the guy or gal you're suing. The wait usually won't be too long, as government folks hate working at night. In a short while, your name will be called and you'll be sent to a room.

The conference
Before you appear before a judge, most cities will bring both parties into a conference room overseen by an arbitrator. The arbitrator is usually a retired lawyer, or maybe an active one looking to make some part-time money. Stay calm in the room. Stick to the simple truth.

These attorneys have heard it all before. They appreciate brevity and politeness. You'll tell your side. The person you're suing will tell his side. The arbitrator will ask for any proof. They will then look at all the documents and mull over each version of who owes what to whom.

Stay fair
The arbitrator's job is to keep you out of court. Joe the Mechanic tells the arbitrator he'll give you back $500. Since you got a few months use out of the transmission he put in, you might want to think about taking his offer. Don't be stubborn.

Don't go to court looking for justice. Small Claims Courts are set up to resolve disputes. They're not there to dispense justice. Here's the Small Claims Court motto: "When everyone goes away a little unhappy, we did our job." Should you turn down the $500, here comes the big throw down.

The trial
If an arbitrator can't hammer out a settlement, you'll usually be given an adjournment for a trial date before a judge. On the hearing date, the judge will learn that $500 was offered to you. The judge may think that's a fair offer, and that's all you might get. So you've waited a month or more for nothing.

And even if the judge grants your claim for $1,000, Joe the Mechanic doesn't have to pay you on the spot. If he wants to be a hump, he still won't pay you. The next step is hiring a sheriff or a marshal to go after Joe. They can get the grand for you, but they can charge anywhere from 10% to 25% of the total amount owed.

And sometimes Joe the Mechanic packs up, leaves town and disappears. Then you'll kick yourself for not taking that $500. That's tough, but that's part of the risk. Small Claims Courts are for small potato lawsuits, but from such tiny vegetables comes a meal. And a man has to eat.

We live in a litigious society, and there's good reason to think that you might someday need an attorney. They're great at writing letters to the assorted bad guys in your life, and only a fool represents himself in a civil or criminal action.

Either way, you don't want to be looking for a lawyer when your back is against the wall. Get yourself an attorney before you actually need one.

Never hire an attorney in a courthouse
If you ever get busted for a DWI or anything else, don't be surprised if a smiling stranger hands you his card and promises you that he'll represent you at your arraignment. You don't have to be nice to this guy. Shun him like the scum he is.

In courthouses, these weasels are known as "fishermen." They try to hook the fish before they reach the bench. Instead, take a proper legal aid lawyer at the criminal arraignment. Then ask for an adjournment so you may hire an attorney. You'll get that adjournment, too. It's your constitutional right.

Do not call 1-800-Lawyers
This is not to say that some decent lawyers don't advertise. But a huge pool of lawyers pays for these 800 numbers. A service calls whichever attorney happens to be next on the list. You might get a good one or a bad one. It's not a smart way to find a lawyer. Also, avoid lawyers who advertise with gaudy ads on TV and in print. Remember, their clients paid for those ads.

Use extreme caution in hiring friends or relatives
Sure, everything worked out fine for that guy who hired his cousin Vinny. Folks in real life should use relatives on a limited basis. They're fine for writing letters or notarizing documents. But use an outside expert when it comes to serious lawsuits and crimes. If your relative or buddy lets you down, you'll have more than legal problems. You'll also have one less friend when the smoke clears.

Hiring the right lawyer
Many lawyers will tell you they are general practitioners who can handle any problem you have. These are not good lawyers. A good, solid civil lawyer handles that alone. The same holds for criminal court lawyers. Go with experience. Do some research on the guy. Ask to speak to former clients. And contact the local bar association. Lawyers' reputations are open books, and it isn't hard to find out the story behind your potential representative.

Watch whom you ask for advice
Just because your friend won a million-dollar suit doesn't mean he had a good lawyer—but it's a start. The best place to get advice on a lawyer is from courthouse employees. They watch the sharks work all day. Now, technically, they're not supposed to refer anyone to an attorney. But if you present a friendly demeanor and know how to read between the lines, you can usually wrangle the courthouse skinny on any lawyer.

You get what you pay for
Most civil attorneys who take you on as a plaintiff won't charge you for their services. If you win an award, they will usually get 33% of that. In addition, they may charge expenses. A good lawyer will be up front about that. If a lawyer tells you not to worry about expenses, then start worrying.